PB&Js Are Fueling The World’s Greatest Athletes

…To create a fresh take on the biggest shoe in the game right now. The Puma Speedcat is getting something of a reverse face lift, thanks to Balenciaga, who wanted to channel their famous sock-like silhouette. It looks sick, maybe just don’t wear them in the rain or in the elements or outside at all.

ICYMI (because you couldn’t check X/Twitter to get the news) X/Twitter went down yesterday, which wouldn’t be a huge deal, except it was the first day of NFL Free Agency. Maybe we should all have cable, just in case. 

Anyone who’s anyone has a doc these days, and Carlos Alcaraz is the next man up. We know it’s coming out April 23 because of his tattoo, which he debuted at Indian Wells this past weekend, por supuesto! 

There’s no lying in baseball! Except, there is. The St. Louis Cardinals are earning Frequent Lying points with Uber when it comes to their jobs. Some players are more convincing than others—like the underwater welders, obviously.

The Australian Football League, which is not American football or soccer, but a secret third thing, is dropping team-inspired sweaters in collaboration with HoMie—a streetwear brand that sends all profits to helping homeless youth in Australia.

Nike printed a receipt of her accomplishments and it’s so long, CVS is shaking.

For the most part, it seems sports society had gone completely crustless, what with the NFL’s love, nay, all-consuming obsession with Uncrustables. The peanut butter sandwich had the entire league in a chokehold, many of the teams having entire garbage bins filled with the half-frozen snack for players to indulge in 3-4 sandwiches per plane ride. 

Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are even an art to some.

The other leagues seem to stick with the traditional variation of the sandwich, with an added, fancy spin. The Wizards and Capitals team chefs create their pre-game sandwiches from scratch. First boiling the jelly all day and spending 20 minutes grinding peanuts to the buttery perfect consistency, before squeezing the toppings through a piping bag onto the freshly baked bread to ensure every bite is perfect. 

Sidney Crosby does the unheard of—makes his own PB&Js—but has to stick to particular brands. Caitlin Clark is known to eat them in the locker room.

Thanks to ESPN we think we can deduce that it all started with the 2007-2008 Celtics. KG, Paul Pierce, and Ray Allen attributed their success to the grade school snack. But wait, Russell Westbrook has thrown two back before every game since high school. So perhaps it’s one of those universal things that act as a separate togetherness. Carb loading is no secret to professional athletes, and peanut butter and jelly is beloved—except for a couple instances. Like in the case of French players, like Bilal Coulibaly, who hates the aforementioned nut butter, and Wemby who had his first PB&J when he got to the NBA. Or Patrick Baldwin Jr., who is fondly nicknamed PBJ, but says he only pretends to like them for branding purposes (that’s just good business). 

Anyway, tune in next time when we investigate pancakes and the NWSL. 

@ionnwsl

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Black women are reshaping roles in front offices and boardrooms all over sports, and they’re just getting started. 

Legend Serena Williams doesn’t have anymore room on her resume, but she’ll need to make some. She owns a stake in the Miami Dolphins (sister Venus does, too), Angel City FC, Los Angeles Golf Club (of TGL golf league), and now, the Toronto Tempo—the W’s newest team. 

A previous newsletter of ours covered the great week Issa Rae had when she became part owner of the MLS’ newest team, San Diego FC, and Nigerian superstar Tems forked over some major cashish to join the ownership group herself, becoming the first African woman in MLS ownership. 

Eniola “I Can Do Literally Anything” Aluko is a player turned broadcaster turned executive. Now, through her role at the Mercury/13 ownership group, she holds a majority stake in FC Como Women, and she’s the first African woman to do so in Italy. Let’s go, much?! 

These women are obviously blazing trails, and that’s not a new phenomenon. Condoleeza Rice and Mellody Hobson have been part owners of the Denver Broncos for a few years now. 

And the excellence obviously doesn’t stop at ownership. These women are scoring from deep, hitting circus shots, and whatever other metaphors you want to use. Jalen Hurts has been building a superteam of Black excellence for a while, like comms wiz Chantal Romain, and his agent Nicole Lynn. The Los Angeles Lakers and Philadelphia Eagles both added Black women to their respective coaching staffs this year, Autumn Lockwood and the Eagles winning a Super Bowl, which was another legendary first for Black women.

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