Why Your Fave Athlete Is Wearing A Quarter-Zip

…The drama’s getting a revival. The show’s creators will stay the same, but the cast and characters won't. Unless, of course, someone can get in touch with Connie Britton and Michael B. Jordan STAT. Kyle Chandler, if you’re reading this…

They say smell is the strongest sense tied to memory, but it’s also the strongest sense tied to getting a W. Athletic performance can be enhanced when you smell something you like. So it turns out you can run a marathon! You’ll just need to carry a Balsam Pine candle with you the whole time. 

Male athletes are the new skinfluencers. Brands are leaning men want in on the skincare game, too. Athletes like Kyle Pitts, Jerami Grant, and Max Jolliffe are tasked with becoming the faces of these brands' campaigns. 

You might be in for a “Stranger Things” and Arsenal vs. Tottenham double feature soon enough. Netflix will take a shot at nabbing the Premier League broadcast rights. Marketing idea: a Cole Palmer shivering Netflix & Chill ad. 

You know, when you sit together with your friends and go, “Could you [complete basic athletic task] in [major sports league]?” And then you talk about it for hours? Reporter and Substacker Joon Lee actually tried to drive a NASCAR. And he says the speed wasn’t the scariest part. 

Every now and then, you’ll see a headline that says something like: “The Quarter-Zip ‘Trend’ Is Old Money 6-7 Slop,” and you’ll wonder if this is really what the universe’s plan for civilization was. Nonetheless, it is where we are at—quarter-zips are the talk of the town. 

It’s rooted in something a little more real than the nonsensical “6 7” trend, but it still makes you wonder if people are just desperate to belong to something. Anyway, let’s not get existential; this is a sports newsletter. Plus, quarter-zips are undeniably swaggy, in my humble opinion.  

It all started as part of the YG (young gentlemen) movement, wherein men declared they don’t do Nike tech fleece and coffee, they opt for quarter-zips and matchas. And as a disclaimer, since women can be anything these days, they can also be YGs. 

Everyone can, as a matter of fact. DeAndre Hopkins is in on the quarter-zip (his is Le PÈRE), Quentin Lake is in on the quarter-zip, even video games are in on the quarter -zip. Some even theorize that it makes you a better athlete. 

And even though the internet’s stylist-in-chief, aka Derek Guy, or as you know him, “that menswear guy on Twitter,” says they’re ugly, I personally think they can look cool. 

So now that you know, let’s get into my recommendations. Not to brag, but I got a quarter-zip two (count it, TWO) football seasons ago, thanks to Homefield. And I might as well be buried in it. They say you can’t take it with you, but I’m gonna try. 

Next up is another merch brand that not enough people know about. Maybe because it’s Canadian, and they don’t have the same grindset when it comes to hammering social media ads into our brains. Anyway, these Peace Collective ditties are sure to impress the bros. And if not, it’s always clothes over bros. 

Next, might I suggest some of the quarter-zips donned by the Seahawks this week, which in some cases, are only spiritually quarter-zips (because they’re quarter button-downs or some other variation) but look just as smart. 

 Now, go forth and quarter-zip, (gender neutral) gentlemen.  

And since we’ve gone full bro for most of today’s newsletter, why not let me put you onto some bros I’ve been enjoying on IG lately. 

The Micho Brothers may look like a couple of guys bein’ dudes, but they’re also making some of the best sketch sports-parody content on social media, in my humble opinion. Also, they’re doing the impossible: finding actual funny ways to offer new takes on MJ vs. LeBron. 

You know how every single ref and commentator hates your team specifically? And how your team is only doing badly because they’ve got a few key injuries? 

Or how you may not want to watch baseball, but you know you legally have to?

Or how there are no discernible seasons in the beautiful game?  

They do, too.