We Can See You, John Cena

…Danny Ramirez had to stop playing soccer. When he became an extra on a film set, he fell in love and transferred to NYU. Now, when he’s not on set of the “Top Gun” franchise, he’s hosting the World Cup Draw. Or, he’s starring in his very own upcoming soccer movie. He’s basically the Meryl Streep of the pitch.

I’m basically “Challengers’” number one stan. So, if Josh Safdie can do for “Marty Supreme” even a fraction of what Luca did for “Challengers,” I’m in. And if it can make table tennis cool, I’ll be the first in line at the paddle store.   

The parallels between Olivia Culpo and Princess Diana are kind of there. Miss Universe is like a princess, in a way. Am I grasping at straws? I can’t tell. At the very least, they are both impeccably curated brands and styled figures. So it makes sense that Olivia looked to Diana for inspo on her NFL collab with Abercrombie. 

Game-worn jerseys! Getcha first-ever game-worn jerseys! PWHL fans, the gifts just keep on giving. The latest news from the women’s ice hockey league is the launch of its first-ever officially authenticated collection of memorabilia on auction at The Realest. Hurry before it’s going once, going twice…

One of the most unexpected but thought-provoking parallels has just been drawn between Ja Morant and…Richard Pryor. That’s all I’m going to say, because this Justin Tinsley essay is worth a read. Do it. 

John Cena’s very last WWE match is this Saturday. As a wrestling casual, emphasis on casual, and someone who really only knows John Cena from the movies, I had to call in some experts to appreciate the true gravity of this last goodbye. And thanks to Queen Patricia Rogers and Krista B. aka Those Wrestling Girls, I feel like I have a firm grasp on the mark he’s leaving on the rassling culture. 

Also, if you’re a real John Cena head, make sure to check out our homepage this weekend, where throughout the whole weekend we’ll feature a full John Cena-themed takeover, with all the John Cena content your little heart desires. What better way to celebrate a rapping, wrestling, jorts-wearing legend?

OffBall: What is your first recollection of John Cena?

Queen Patricia Rogers: I remember asking myself, “Who is this white boy rapping? And why is he kind of good?” I had no idea he would become the star that he would become.

OB: What is John Cena’s most underrated moment? Does he have a deep cut moment in the ring that immediately comes to mind?

QPR: John Cena’s commitment to being the best WWE superstar behind the scenes is underrated for sure. 

KB: A deep cut moment that comes to mind is him calling out The Rock during their feud for having his promo written on his arm. That feud as a whole…is forever etched in wrestling history. It’s also funny to see that they went from feuding to joining forces at Elimination Chamber, and now, fans are still trying to figure out how their storyline will end. 

OB: What cultural moment do you most associate with him?

KB: The Doctor of Thugonomics. John Cena incorporating his love of hip-hop into his gimmick and letting it grow into something special is something one would expect. It drew more eyes to the product as well as made him more relatable to fans in and out of the wrestling industry. His you can’t see me gesture actually came from G-Unit’s Tony Yayo. 

OB: What does John Cena mean to you and your generation?

QPR: John Cena [is] our hero. Never give up. Believe in yourself and hard work. That will always mean a lot. 

KB: It’s so hard to put into words what he actually means to us. What I can say is that he is definitely on the Mount Rushmore of Greatest Wrestlers of All Time.

OB: What will you miss the most about seeing Cena in the ring?

QPR: His presence in WWE is so comforting, and I am not ready for his last match. 

KB: I think I will miss Cena’s comedic relief in the ring. The way he would just clown his opponents to no avail is something that will live on forever. 

What do you think John Cena should do next? (This one can be silly or earnest)

KB: I think that John Cena should host a Saturday Night Live Episode as well as have his own late-night talk show. 

I’d like to talk about something that isn’t getting enough attention (no, it’s not me…although…). Marshawn Lynch is consistently delivering the best sports content in the game, and more people need to be talkin’ about it. So, your mission, should you accept it, is to tell your friends. I’m gonna give you some Marshawn-specific conversation starters to hook your watercooler-goers or group chats. Walk with me. 

For the chaotic and controversial friend: “Did you see Marshawn get his ass kicked in Detroit?”

For the cultured friend with tickets to the ballet: “People are saying he’s the next Tchaikovsky.”

For your friends whose best advice is to rub some dirt in it: “Marshawn stole another vehicle!” 

For your fashion friends: “He’s sort of Dapper Dan’s prodigy.” 

There are others, too, but I think that’s a good start for now.

Put this fun collage night in your calendar for next week. I’m biased (it’s my magazine), but it will be a night of crafty vision boarding, manifesting, gift-giving, and hanging with friends. 

Resellers: stop. That directive doesn’t come from me, by the way, it comes from Joe Burrow.

Engage in some good old-fashioned consumerism. F1 style.