The Olympics Don’t Have To End, If You Believe

…And their new-ish CEO will stop at nothing to be back on top. The New York Times followed Elliott Hill as he flew around the globe to win back the favor of all the brand’s major league and athlete partners. I’m a size 7.5 if Mr. Hill decides to try to win me over. 

March Madness is nearly here, with a boost from Daylight Saving Time. Anyway, in anticipation of the NCAA tourneys, you’ll need to get acquainted with the stars. Like Audi Crooks. Cam Boozer. Azzi Fudd. 

You’ve heard of the Eras Tour, but have you heard of the Eala Tour? Filipino tennis player Alex Eala officially cemented herself as a fan favorite at Indian Wells. She’s becoming so big, even her matches against Coco Gauff feel one-sided.

One of my favorite Substack writers is former tennis pro Andrea Petkovic. Her Substack, Finite Jest, is the perfect mix of on-court coverage and ancillary juicy chatter. Take, for instance, this piece about how to pull a tennis player. All is fair in love and war. 

The American Museum of Natural History will unveil a new exhibition this spring. “For The Win: Objects of Sports Excellence” will include the Lombardi Trophy, Jesse Owens’ 1936 Olympic gold medal, and the NY Liberty’s 2024 Championship rings. Also, the person reading this, because you’re an object of excellence too.

Ok, well, the Olympics do have to end someday, but the Paralympics are here! 

The Paralympics are genuinely one of the most impressive and difficult athletic competitions in existence. If you are a real sports lover, you’re gonna want to be tuned in. They do most of the same events, with modifications. Hockey becomes sled hockey, curling becomes wheelchair curling, alpine skiing becomes para alpine skiing, and so on.  

And there’s no better explainer on why the Paralympics are so special than Rodger Sherman’s Sports! Check it out here. Some Ciff’s Notes: Team USA is sending 68 athletes, the second-most behind China, which sent 70. So far Team USA have five medals, but we’re just getting started.

One of my favorite Paralympians is para snowboarder Brenna Huckaby, who lost her leg to bone cancer as a child, who is set to become the most decorated para snowboarder, and who is a great follow on IG. Paralympic athletes, they’re just like us. 

Oksana Masters is the most decorated Paralympian. Period. And won gold in Para biathlon. 

So far, the men’s sled hockey team crushed Italy this weekend (sorry, but 14-1 qualifies as a crushing). If they win it all, it will be their fifth consecutive gold medal. And while they’re demolishing opponents on the ice, they’re also educating the viewers at home. Here’s how a lane change works in sled hockey (Thank you, Declan!). 

Here’s the full Paralympic schedule. See you on Peacock! 

A lot went on this weekend, from college hoops to TMZ pretending non-news is news to the World Baseball Classic already dominating our timelines to Timmy C getting baby-canceled. Thankfully, Twitter is still a place where memes rule (unless your algorithm is off, in which case, best of luck to you in this life). 

First, college hoops is really heating up. Women’s conference tournament week was this past week (with some still ongoing), and the men’s is this upcoming week. Best of luck to the Hurley family, who, as always, are just hoping to avoid ejection.  

Donna Kelce is renovating her home, which is not news, but TMZ considers it so. The internet had a great time dunking on the news outlet. Jason Kelce even got into it. 

On the eve of the eve of the CBA deadline, talks really began to heat up. The WNBA suddenly wants to move fast and has been submitting new proposals like no one’s business. It does kinda make you wonder why it has taken this long, but maybe they’re trying to time it perfectly for a sunny day.

The World Baseball Classic began this weekend, and we learned Japan is ahead of the US in yet another sector. Plus, we learned the rules. 

After a lovely weekend in Tokyo with Bad Bunny for the aforementioned WBC, Timothée Chalamet is in trouble. He said he didn’t want to be involved in the arts that no one cares about, like ballet or opera. Insane thing to say, but personally, I think there are much bigger fish to fry. He’s also being dunked on for saying that while on a press tour for a movie about ping pong. Anyway, the internet is having fun.