…Came out of Rikers Island. And from the pen of Bryan Armen Graham of The Guardian,  who spent Game 1 of the NBA Finals at a watch party with residents of one of America’s most infamous prisons, where basketball briefly collapsed “the distance between the island and the city beyond the bridge.” It’s only Monday, but this will be your week’s must-read.

You can buy Taylor Swift’s Eastern Conference Finals chair on The Realest. We are saying sentences that have never been said before. 

I love Caitlin Clark, but I’ve been #noticing all of the #discourse, and I fear we need to get a PR professional up in here. Or maybe we get her a nap. Many others agree, for what it’s worth. I think we can all agree Clark is under a microscope and she’s understandably tired. Anyway, I am #monitoring the situation. 

The hottest new online game is called “82-0,” and I absolutely suck at it. The premise goes: You spin a wheel and build an all-time NBA roster based on the era and team you get. Easy peasy! Not for some of us, though. 

Back in my day, we walked 15 miles in the snow (uphill both ways) to prom. Now, thanks to NIL, kids are spending $80,000 on their prom experience. You can’t take it with you, I guess!  

Jalen Brunson, Josh Hart, Mikal Bridges, (and you know what? Ryan Arcidiacono and Donte DiVincenzo too) are college basketball's last major export from the pre-NIL-transfer-portal era. They’re a shining example of how players of yore could find success in the league. You know, when players would spend years on the same team, learning and growing and being goofy together. 

One could argue that it’s largely because of the Nova Knicks’ chemistry that the Knicks are where they are. Said chemistry began taking shape while they were becoming men themselves; their pre-frontal lobes in those formative development years. And yes, also because KAT is a monster, but I already named my cat after him, so let me pay my dues to the rest of the Knicks real quick.

I married into VIllanova fandom. My husband went to Villanova, and we’ve been to many a Big East tournament game at the Garden, games in Philly, and now, Knicks games, which still manage to feel like Nova games. We go to the alumni games and get the commemorative Nova X Knicks merch and wear it around town with pride. I’ve been wearing a 2018-era Jalen Brunson Nova jersey for my Finals game watches. 

This is still one of the best commercials of all time in my opinion. Special shout out to how Donte is body-acting with his shoulders to look extra sad.

Plus, not to be dramatic, but they’re impossible not to love. 

There’s a reason Josh Hart — who I am always so surprised to hear was the bully in college, and got in actual fights with Mikal and Donte — is named Hart. Hoarding all the rebounds and providing all the levity, he’s sugar, spice, and everything nice.  

Jalen Brunson was drafted lower than his Nova teammates. And he’s more clutch than Michael Jordan right now (I’m not making that up), but most importantly, he knows where his teammates shine and what role he can play in lifting them. Like the best podcast hosts (and he is, which you already know if you listen to the “Roommates Show” obviously), Jalen is dry so that Josh can be the personality. Off the court, he’s providing the setup so others can have the punchline. On the court, he’s fighting through 10 injuries and getting zooted off enough toradol to tranquilize a zoo animal. 

Mikal knows his role, too. Silent but deadly. Banter isn’t a prereq for him. His only job is to make three-pointers and eat Chipotle.

Together, the three of them are magic. And the four of them would have even more magical, the greatest team that never was. I watch the GQ interviews for fun all the time — can’t recommend those enough.

They each have their own things. While we beg for morsels and tiny BTS moments of our favorite players, the Nova Knicks willingly let us into their hobbies and interests. Josh has wine and candy, Jalen has Justin Bieber and Law & Order: SVU. And again, Mikal has Chipotle. 

They’re the perfect pairing for the city they reside in. The Nova Knicks are each other’s chosen family, in a city chock full of micro-communities where neighbors find their chosen families, too. 

And by the way, when I say Nova Knicks, I’m also including the literal Pope. 

Grab yourself a big giant cup of coffee, because we’re gonna need the energy. Although, I do need to offer a disclaimer that no matter how much coffee I consume, I will not be able to personally match Paraguay energy. 

While the rest of the world is mad (????) at the kick times, we’re scheduling our lives around the games.

I am once again asking you to root for the USMNT, because we have nothing better to do, but also because they need us. 

I’m also once again reminding you that it’s hilarious that each team is stationed in a random city in America. Like Spain in Chattanooga. Ghana in Smithfield, Rhode Island. Morocco in Basking Ridge, New Jersey. Scotland in Charlotte. Argentina in Kansas City, Kansas. England, in Kansas City, Missouri. The list goes on.

Here are all 48 teams stories. Italy and Nigeria, look away.  

Spain is the official favorite. According to computers, that is. 

But Curacao is officially becoming the fan favorite. 

Don’t forget to subscribe to our soccer newsletter for updates allllllll tournament long!