Pitch: Everyone Starts To Be Normal About Shedeur

…The fact that no one has met Aaron Rodgers’ alleged wife (and no one can find a marriage license filed in any state, and no other WAGS have met her) gives everyone a lot of pause. Thankfully, Madeline Hill of Impersonal Foul is on the case. 

I know last week I said there were too many sneakers, but that was the old me. Cade Cunningham, while we are all surprised by this news, does deserve all the accolades (which I guess translates to a signature shoe these days). And Kevin Durant helping him break the news made it that much sweeter. 

Kyle Kuzma doesn’t buy clothing or home goods that look cool; he buys them because they have a story. I think a lot of people say that, but I really do believe Kuz. He is who he is, and that’s always been true. Good profile on him here. 

Here’s the weekly partnerships news MadLibs: Ben Sherman is partnering with retired swimmer Tom Daley to make Team Great Britain’s scarves and hats for the upcoming Olympics. Because apparently Tom is sick wit it on the needles. This isn’t your grandma’s knitwear. Though I’m sure her work is lovely. 

Malcolm Jenkins is on Substack, and he’s telling locker room tales. Like how the Eagles embody and understand the significance of “Atomic Dog” to the Omega Psi Phi fraternity. And how the Sean Payton Saints weren’t allowed to listen to music at all.  

“Go Off” is a special edition of our daily newsletter, featuring my thoughts, takes, and general vibes, presented to OffBall readers every Tuesday. 

I empathize with Shedeur Sanders in many ways. For one, people have been weird to me on the internet (you, too, I’m sure). Also, because in some ways, I’m boisterous and sometimes a little too much—I can rub people the wrong way, I think. Unfortunately (for me), I don’t have the money or fame to balance that out internally, but here’s to hoping. 

Anyway, after his less-than-stellar NFL debut (he went 4-16 and had 47 yards, I believe), I got to think about why everyone is so obsessed with crafting unnecessarily negative narratives around Shedeur Sanders. 

I saw a tweet from my friend, fellow media member, and comedian Aaron Edwards, and suddenly it all clicked. 

It’s OK to be OK. Sometimes you will have a bad day at work. Sometimes I will. Sometimes that’s the entire story. 

(Quick nerdy digression. You know who else went the same, exact 4-for-16 in his NFL debut? Terry Bradshaw! Four-time Super Bowl-winning, Hall of Fame quarterback—and folksy Fox football commentator to the youths in the chat—Terry Bradshaw! I looked it up, or well, my editor looked it up.)

Many are insisting a greater conspiracy to see him fail is at play. Others claim he’s only where he is because of his name. Meanwhile, those of us who really know ball, know that the only appropriate response to watching someone have a bad Sunday is to say “ok,” then go do the laundry or grocery shopping. 

There are only 32 professional starting QB jobs in a country of 400 million people. Now let’s say each roster holds two backups; that's 64 more. Fewer than 100 people are even capable of doing this job; that’s how hard it is. Meanwhile, a monkey could do most of our jobs (not mine, of course…). And that’s OK! 

On that same note, Shedeur, and all of the other 1,696 active football players are…you guessed it: playing football. They aren’t curing cancer or passing legislation. It’s really nice when they are good at their jobs, but if they aren’t, you are still alive and you haven’t lost any inalienable rights. Something to consider. I, for one, have never lost my cool about sports, because I understand they don’t matter. (Cut to: flashback scene of me screaming that my life is over when my team loses). 

I don’t seek to scold haters or fans or wherever you stand on Shedeur Sanders, I just think there are so many things happening in our daily lives, we need to know when to let some of them fly by without our takes or digging into whether or not the Browns coaching staff wants to exile one of their QBs to Siberia. 

I don’t really know what she’s referring to here, but sometimes we should approach being online like this: 

It’s also worth mentioning that he is a backup rookie quarterback. It’s OK that he didn’t get snaps with the ones. It’s OK if he wasn’t prepared. It’s OK if he never plays well again, and it’s OK if he wins a Super Bowl. No matter what happens, all you and I need to do is be normal. 

I have to say, it’s been cold as can be (sadly, not even true) in NYC, and seeing two incredible athletes being besties, having fun in the sun, is kind of healing something in me. 

Taylor Townsend and Naomi Osaka have been living their best lives on jet-skis. 

@naomiosaka

The gang is outside 😂 @Taylor Townsend #outside #wta

But they’re not fully offline. They’re not missing any trends.

@thetaylortownsend

In the ocean trap with @Naomi Osaka 大坂なおみ #offseason

Also, does anyone know where I can get this swimsuit (you know, for 7 months from now).