Philip Rivers Is Playing Football—What Year Is It?

…But things may always be the same, for these two feuding sportswear giants. Since I played soccer as a kid, it’s always been Adidas vs. Nike. That’s more true than ever this coming World Cup, where Adidas hopes to inch ahead, and home-brand Nike wants to stake its claim. Read our pesky kid brother newsletter, SportsVerse, here.  

Livestream and community-building darling, Playback, announced it’ll shutter its digital doors, claiming the sports broadcast rights ecosystem is too complex. The people are devastated to say the least (check the QTs). So devastated, I can’t help but idealize someone might swoop in and save them. Could it be you???

Puerto Rican recording artist Young Miko says when Super Bowl spectators in America experience the joy that is Bad Bunny, they’ll be happy he played the halftime show. Very wise, if you ask me. Maybe she should change her name to Old Miko.  

Something interesting is happening in sports right now. People are tired of the Yelling Guys, and they’re making it known. First, it was NBC proclaiming they are only focused on being positive; now, it’s newest contributor for “NBA on Prime,” Tyrese Haliburton. 

Lena Dunham is officially a Chiefs fan, just in time for them to miss the playoffs (I’m allowed to be mean, I’m a Chiefs fan). She watched the Houston/Kansas City game this weekend with Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez and declared herself “in her sports era.”

@sportsonprime

#AnthonyEdwards vs. #pingpong Champion Lily Zhang 😂🏓

“It’s a quarter after one, the Colts are a little drunk, and I need you now.” -Carlie Irsay Gordon to Philip Rivers this week, I’m guessing. 

Then Philip was like, “Give me a call if you wanna come roll with me, I'm only one call away…” Actually, maybe that was Chingy. Let’s start from the beginning. 

Earlier this week, we found out Daniel Jones tore his Achilles. Then, yesterday, news broke that Riley Leonard is dealing with a knee injury. Just like that, QB1 and QB2 were both out for the count. And in that situation, there’s really only one thing you can do: Call 44-year-old Philip Rivers, who is a grandfather (Tony Reali’s freaking out over that non-resctive clause), and a former Colts QB.  

Forget being an Unc—Philip Rivers is a Grand Unc. And he officially signed with the Colts' practice squad, and the internet went bananas. Probably because, as Mina Kimes pointed out, Riley Leonard is nearly the same age as Philip’s oldest son. 

To no one’s surprise, Rivers immediately posted a bible verse. If this is even him, I don’t know, but it’s mostly bible verses, so I feel like it is. 

Then came the jokes about his age…

…and the fact that he has about 3,000 or so kids.

Or both!

But to me, age is just a number.

And suddenly, after losing all hope, Colts’ fans are all in again. 

I’m ready to believe he could finally win a Super Bowl, considering he already knows the playbook by heart. 

The TikTok edits have officially started (they didn’t have those back in his day). 

@jobrogameday

Philip Rivers is making his return to the NFL and the Indianapolis Colts after 5 years in retirement! #nfl #nflfootball #chrisstapleton #e... See more

He’s even an early favorite for the Pro Bowl. 

That’s not true, but it will be as soon as I get K-pop fans involved.

Lately, it seems like we get minute-by-minute updates on the mountain of athlete investments and potential trades that really don’t matter until they happen. I am officially—and, to be clear, politely—asking for those updates to slow up a little. 

Here’s a list of things I don’t think we push notification-style updates on anymore. 

1. Giannis being traded. Do it or don’t do it. Either way, don’t tell me until it happens. Please, I have a family. 

2. Same goes for Anthony Davis.

3. Someone buying Warner Bros. A new advancement comes from the streaming wars every day now, and I’m just not sure I need that. Plus, my brain is too small for that level of detail. At a certain point, I can’t keep anything straight anymore. Paramount? Netflix? Disney? Floobi? Bupo? Let me know who wins. 

4. Paige Bueckers' latest ventures. She rocks, and I would die for her, but she’s just got so much going on. Oreo, Chris Paul’s snack brand—I need someone to publish the one master list as opposed to piece mealing a bunch of bits every day. 

5. Notre Dame’s athletic director’s quotes. Two days in and I think we’re good to be done here. 

6. Whatever’s going on here. 

Ok! I think that’s the end of the list! For now…