…The WNBA’s newest expansion team, in 2028, that is. The Cleveland Sirens’ branding and name were unveiled today and notable Ohioans are already celebrating. And they’re already making fan art. I, on the other hand, didn’t even know Cleveland had water. Halle Berry, I will see you at a game. Watch the video in the MVP section below. 

Speaking of Sirens, former NHL player Sean Avery had a role in Christopher Nolan’s “The Odyssey.” From sh*t talking whoever was playing his Red Wings, Kings, Rangers, or Stars, to sh*t talking Matt Damon — he’s now appeared in 11 features. The Athletic’s Peter Baugh tells it here. 

Tyriq Withers, I’m growing quite fond of you. This Variety profile by Daniel D’Addario gives ya a real peek behind Tyriq’s curtain. Ewww, not like that! I just didn’t know he was such a baller. And had such depth. And was playing a tennis ball boy in an upcoming film. 

If you’re a depressed Trail Blazers fan, like me, Tyler Parker at The Ringer has us covered with this story, which evokes Spongebob in a way you wouldn’t expect. Read it and weep, ha ha... 

Fashion and spirits conglomerate LVMH just bought a stake in Paris FC. Because that’s the kind of stuff that happens now, and you just go “ok sure!”

Jaylen Brown is looking for hot singles in his area, and I am here to help him. He went on stream the other night to say that Donovan Mitchell and Coco Jones’ wedding was incredibly touching. First of all, was that the first wedding he’s been to? I guess not, because he did say “weddings are dope. I don’t know, Chat, have y’all been to weddings?” so maybe it was just the most touching wedding ever. Anyway, not my problem right now. Back to the task at hand. 

The (second) newest Sixers superstar announced he’s officially looking for people to go on dates with: “Chat, if y’all know somebody or y’all got somebody for me, y’all let me know,” he told his viewers. 

Jaylen Brown, I thought you’d never ask. 

Here are the people I think Jaylen Brown should go on a date with, in no particular order. Note that he did say “somebody,” and my intention is not to assume anyone’s sexuality. 

Jaylen Barron. Her name is Jaylen, too. And she’s best friends with Coco Jones. I can’t even believe no one else has thought of this yet. 

Better yet, Jaelyn Brown. They also went to Cal. They’ve played in the WNBA. And their name is Jaelyn Brown. Please. 

Ok, that one wasn’t a serious suggestion. But this one is: Kelsey Plum. They’re both kinda fiery, both Brown and Plum have been outspoken about the importance of mental health. 

The Queen of Philly. Hannah Einbinder. She’d be the perfect welcoming committee to his new city. She named an episode of “Hacks” after the 76ers for God’s sake. 

In that same vein, Gritty or the old 76ers mascot. I’m not gonna say anything else.

H.E.R. This was a submission from my Philly sicko colleague Bella, whose justification was “it’s giving age appropriate. She is her, he is him…kinda hot.” So true, Bella. 

Naomi Osaka. Between the two of them they both have a lot of feelings (positive), and they seem similar in temperament. Plus, Jaylen seems like he could be the father that stepped up. 

Sabrina Carpenter. He could finally learn who she is. 

Whoever he goes on a date with, hopefully he isn’t going to see a movie with them. 

Who am I missing, Chat? Comment below with your takes. 

Remember how the 49ers practice next to an electrical substation that was the root of injury conspiracies? Well, ‘electrical substation’ just got a Twitter account. Someone created the account on Monday, and it had already amassed almost 8,000 followers at the time of this writing. I love this conspiracy, personally, because I love some really stupid stuff. And hey, why not let yourself believe something silly every once in a while? 

But the kicker is that the account is actually pretty funny, you know, as far as this kind of thing goes. 

Everyone agrees.

Who doesn’t love a classic riff about hurting your rivals?

I’ll continue to monitor this situation for us all. You’re welcome.